I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
