why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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