I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
