We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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