I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
