I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
