i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
