Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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