Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
