I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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