i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
