the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
