I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize