She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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