i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
