Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize