i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
