i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
