I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize