now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
