matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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