So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
