im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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