I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
