He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
