Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
