I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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