So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you will always have a special place in my vag
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
