is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
