I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
