he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
