Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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