Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm really busy with my period
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