you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
