im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
