If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
