just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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