I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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