Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sext me about skeletons
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
