i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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