Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
