I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
