I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
