The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
