yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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