I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
