Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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