Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
