Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

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(832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me

Replies (16) Good night (3116) Bad night (670)
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(216): View more from Ohio

my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.

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(216): my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win. http://tfl.nu/rx98

Replies (15) Good night (3546) Bad night (1539)
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(905): View more from Ontario

They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.

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(905): They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend. http://tfl.nu/j59u

Replies (4) Good night (1981) Bad night (3014)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes

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(508): I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes http://tfl.nu/xrcl

Replies (37) Good night (5728) Bad night (1434)
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(360): View more from Washington

Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

(903): View more from Texas

Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...

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(360): Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated? (903): Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake... http://tfl.nu/fy7y

Replies (6) Good night (2474) Bad night (634)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.

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(540): Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man. http://tfl.nu/q2i0

Replies (6) Good night (666) Bad night (1295)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.

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(814): Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate. http://tfl.nu/j5ej

Replies (10) Good night (1744) Bad night (637)
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(979): View more from Texas

He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic

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(979): He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic http://tfl.nu/8ocy

Replies (10) Good night (2469) Bad night (1004)
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(586): View more from Michigan

He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.

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(586): He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs. http://tfl.nu/txkv

Replies (10) Good night (1507) Bad night (466)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.

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(612): Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey. http://tfl.nu/j7hl

Replies (7) Good night (417) Bad night (672)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.

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(203): Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed. http://tfl.nu/vekr

Replies (5) Good night (910) Bad night (555)
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(928): View more from Arizona

He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.

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(928): He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart. http://tfl.nu/tciz

Replies (4) Good night (1183) Bad night (258)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them

(937): View more from Ohio

Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

Sounds legit to me.

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(937): I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops. (1-937): Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them (937): Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them. (1-937): Sounds legit to me. http://tfl.nu/dn4f

Replies (3) Good night (603) Bad night (291)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?

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(479): Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday? http://tfl.nu/k0ma

Replies (8) Good night (574) Bad night (281)
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(309): View more from Illinois

That is romantic

(1-309): View more from Illinois

Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care

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(309): That is romantic (1-309): Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care http://tfl.nu/p5uo

Replies (0) Good night (303) Bad night (138)

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