i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.