Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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