How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
