So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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