do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
