the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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