I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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