I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
