I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
