so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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