So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
