I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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