I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Less talking, more tequila
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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