we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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