I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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